The Low Down

When considering counselling and psychotherapy, it can be difficult to know what type to go for. Firstly, what do all the different kinds do? Secondly, why are there so many different kinds?! Thirdly, how do you figure out what works for you?

To help you unravel these questions, let me explain my approach and what it means - jargon free! But if it still doesn't quite make sense, or you have any other questions, you can book a free 20 minute consultation with me here.

MY APPROACH

WHAT THE 'PERSON-CENTRED' PART MEANS:

Person-centred counselling/psychotherapy is a radically power-aware way of therapeutically working that puts you, the person seeking support, at the very centre. In other words, I work in a way that unconditionally accepts and values your experiences, feelings, and perspectives in all your uniqueness – without ever trying to 'solve' or direct you. Beyond that, the goal of person-centred counselling/psychotherapy is to help you become more resourced to deal with life's challenges by growing your self-awareness. What's unique to the person-centred approach is our focus on creating a warm and nurturing therapeutic environment, where my aim is to grow a relationship with you where you feel able to safely express yourself. That might feel like being able to say whatever you need to say, without the fear of being judged, criticised, or given unsolicited advice. By having this space to be you, you can nourish a more loving, liberated and self-aware relationship with yourself. And when you can connect to you, connecting to others becomes easier too. So when working together, you can expect me to listen to you deeply, and I will seek to understand your thoughts, emotions, and experiences from your own point of view. Rather than tell you what to do, or offering you solutions, I will respect your autonomy and help you explore your inner world and understand the meaning of your experiences. I’ll ask questions, and check if I’m understanding what you’re sharing. I will also let you know what I’m noticing, but without making a judgment as to what that means. Instead, I’ll ask about what you think. I hope that you will feel understood and valued as a whole person, free from judgement or assumptions. You're a complex, multi-faceted person, and I will always value each part of you. It can be surprising just how unique it feels to be truly listened to for the very first time! That feeling is what I aim to offer you.

A GENTLE NOTE ON THERAPEUTIC MIND-BODY WORK

For some people, connecting to their body can feel unsafe for a variety of reasons. That's why I will always gain your consent to draw on your body as a source of awareness and understanding - whether we are using focusing, exploring your nervous system, or whether it's just a gentle focus on what's happening in your body. Your safety and comfort, however you experience your body, is my priority. So whether we gently draw your awareness to what's going on within your body during sessions, or explore your bodily experience more deeply, being experiential means I offer you the chance to connect your whole self.

ATTACHMENT THEORY

Alongside my person-centred experiential roots, I also draw on attachment theory to inform my practice. That means I recognise that early relationships can lay the foundation for how we each connect, trust and express ourselves throughout life. These relationships teach us how to relate to ourselves and others, and are referred to as 'relationship templates'. If you would like to explore how your attachment styles may be present in your life today, we can explore your foundational bonds to understand how they shape your current relationships and self-perceptions. By gently unravelling these threads together, this can support you to grow deeper self-awareness and healing. Within the therapeutic relationship, drawing on attachment theory can look like exploring how you learned to give and receive care/comfort, or how you learned to respond to relational conflict. By understanding these aspects of yourself, you can create new relationship templates for more fulfilling and reciprocal relationships with yourself and others.

LGBTQIA+ AWARE AND AFFIRMING

As a queer, non-binary Psychotherapist, I'm continually learning to ensure my practice is safe and welcoming for LGBTQIA+ people. This is important because LGBTQIA+ people too often face lack of understanding and judgement of their experiences. In the same way, LGBTQIA+ people face harmful attitudes that view sexuality, gender, gender expression and relationship style as a problem that needs to be fixed or treated (also known as pathologisation). This is in part because many counsellors and psychotherapists still receive little or no LGBTQIA+ training. At best, this means LGBTQIA+ people often have to educate on the LGBTQIA+ basics before even getting to their unique identities and experiences. At worst, this leaves LGBTQIA+ people feeling misunderstood, limited in how deeply they can explore themselves, or feeling like their sexual orientation, gender identity or gender expression is a problem. Being LGBTQIA+ affirming means I am unconditionally affirming of your sexual orientation, gender identity, gender expression and relationship style. You also don't need to educate me on the LGBTQIA+ basics before getting to explore you and your world. At the same time, I will never make assumptions about you. Instead, I work with you in a way that values your experience and expression in all it's uniqueness.

KINK, BDSM AND FETISH
AWARE

Through a greater presence in popular culture; kink, BDSM and fetish have become more widely known in recent years. While this has helped address some of the stigma surrounding sex, power play, pleasure and desire, stories are still too often told through cisgendered, heteronormative and mononormative lenses. At best, this limites awareness of just how diverse kink, BDSM and fetish practises are. At worst, it perpetuates harmful myths characterising people who practise kink, BDSM and fetish as disordered or trumatised. This stigmatises kink, BDSM and fetish practising people, while preventing others from exploring what does or might give them pleasure. Being kink-aware means I offer a non-judgemental space where people who practise kink, BDSM and fetish can explore the things that turn them on - even if these are deemed unusual or different by wider society. I offer this same space to people curious to explore what gives them pleasure. To put it simply, I'm not here to yuck anyone's yums!

WHAT THE 'EXPERIENTIAL' PART MEANS:

The experiential part means drawing awareness to your body as part of the therapeutic process. When you have experienced a difficult or traumatic experience, whether it's living with a long term condition or surviving violence, disconnecting from your body can happen as a way of keeping you safe. However, when we become disconnected from our bodies, this can sometimes mean we are unable to hear the messages it sends us. Being ‘experiential’ means exploring the relationship between your mind and body, as well as how that connects to your overall wellbeing.

BECOME PALS WITH YOUR NERVOUS SYSTEM

Complementing focusing, I also integrate something called 'polyvagal theory' into my approach. Polyvagal theory offers a deep understanding of the human nervous system (called the autonomic nervous system) and how our experiences, particularly traumatic ones, shape our physiological responses. In other words, the autonomic nervous system is like the unseen director of our body's inner orchestra. It subtly oversees automatic functions, like our heartbeat and digestion. In counselling and psychotherapy, exploring its rhythms can help us become more aware of our emotional responses and reactions to life's events. Imagine it as a gentle caretaker, always working in the background; by understanding its patterns, we can harmonise our feelings and thoughts, creating a deeper connection between mind and body as part of the therapeutic process.

FOCUSING

I can facilitate you to pay attention to the feelings you hold within your body in a gentle and curious way. This is called 'focusing', and it's like listening to your body's wisdom. Instead of rushing to find answers with your logical mind, focusing invites you to slow down and connect with how your body experiences a situation. You might notice sensations in your chest, stomach, or elsewhere. By giving these sensations your attention, you can uncover feelings and meanings that you might not have been realised before. Overall, focusing is a simple yet powerful practice that allows you to access your intuition and make decisions from a place of deeper knowing.

NON-MONOGAMY/MULTIGAMY COMPETENT

We live in a society where most people assumy monogamy is the default, expected or only relationship style. We see this reflected in popular culture, where stories of relationships and sex often centre on two people, as well as narratives like finding 'the one'. In reality, the world around us is filled with a dviersity of relationship styles. Many folx have relationships that embrace sexual and/or romantic involvement with one or more people. This is called non-monogamy, or multigamy. Being non-monogamy/multigamy competent means I work in an affirming way, knowing and affirming that relationships can come in all shapes and sizes.

DEPATHOLOGISING
DISTRESS

A depathologising approach in counselling and psychotherapy can sound confusing, or jargonistic. Let's break it down to what it does and doesn't mean, starting by defining 'pathologisation'. Pathologisation is when a counsellor or psychotherapist treats or talks about your distress as a disease, disorder or abnormal. They might give you a diagnosis or list of symptoms to help categorise, label or define your experience. For many people, having a diagnosis, list of symptoms or label can feel both helpful and affirming. Depathologising, on the other hand, is when a counsellor or psychotherapist helps you explore your experience of distress without diagnosing, categorising or labelling it as a disease, disorder or abnormal. Instead, they affirm your experience as a valid and understandable response to the social, political, economic and cultural environmental conditions in which we live. How does that look in a counselling/psychotherapy session? Rather than focusing on what's 'wrong' with you, we might explore what you have faced in life, how that has affected you, and what it all means in the present. This might include your identities, relationships, and experiences of feeling safe or unsafe. A depathologising approach can be a powerful way of challenging the feeling that yoru experience is abnormal or disordered. It can help you understand how your feelings and expereinces of distress are relatied to injustice and oppression in the world around you. This is particularly important for people with marginalised or minoritised identities and experiences. When your identities and experiences are marginalised or minoritised by the world around you, it can make you feel wrong or abnormal in some way. This causes psychological distress. It can therefore be helpful to explore how your individual experience of distress is connected to the collective experience, whether you value having a diagnosis or not too. With a depatholoigising approach, we come to understand that the causes and healing of distress are not just our individual problem. Distress is a natural response to oppression, marginalisation and minoritisation. Your feeligns and experiences are valid, and you are not alone.